Innocence Lost

So as my Dad was going through all of this I was going through my own teenage girl problem. Well not really problems but I was growing up really fast. So when I was 15 I met this boy he was older than me,he was about 20 years old and we started hanging out and I thought we were friends.  I guess this friendship was not mutual as he had other ideas. He text me ” I have a new game want to come check it out” I was like alright. So I went and we played the game, and then all of a sudden he started touching me inappropriately I tried to fight him off but I am only small and he is a pretty big boy. I screamed but noone could hear me. In my head I was just praying lord save and I couldn’t believe how stupid and naive I had been. I felt ashamed,helpless and scared.

After all was done I felt so dirty I couldn’t even tell anyone the 1st time I actually told someone was when I was 18 I told my cousin. I couldn’t believe I had lost my virginity in such a disgusting and terrible way.  I felt revolting and couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I also let myself go wouldn’t dress nice or look after myself. I guess I was depressed for a while.

It was hard but I had to tell someone in order for me to heal. I then had to build up my confidence again,and finally began to trust men. I went through many relationships as I had to learn to trust…….

 

For any girls experiencing this please reach out:

http://www.rasasc.org.uk/whoweare.html

National Helpline 0808 082 9999

Just the Beginning…..

So I was born and grew up in a country in Southern Africa. I went to some pretty good schools. I was a little rebellious child who had a mouth on me and some attitude. From a very young age I knew I did not fit people’s perception of normal. My grandmother raised me as my Mum had me when she was 16. As I lived with my grandmother I knew I had to be strong as they were loads of other people so that’s how I became a little feisty and stubborn girl. At 6 years I had to move to my Aunt and Uncle’s house, they were like my parents and treated me as their own. They were there for everything my parents weren’t as they were working to send me to these amazing schools I went to. I was very rebellious and rude but they tolerated me and were very good parents. When I was in my early teens I then joined my parents in the UK. It was really good spending time with them but it was also odd in some ways as I couldn’t take them seriously as they did not raise me. My father and I had plenty of arguments as we were both stubborn. But we loved each other a great deal, in the early 2000′s my father was diagnosed with Renal failure this broke my heart. And often when he had dialysis I would go visit him at the hospital this was too much for me to bare seeing my Dad slowly becoming weaker and weaker and having to rely on a machine to clean his system. Anyway during this time I also witnessed my Dad from being one of the most secure and confident people in the room. To a person who was insecure and would constantly check on his wife. It was sad to see the person I believed to be like superman lose his power and his charm………….more to come